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Softy
Corner - Food for Thought
CHAPTER :-
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Do-Strategy -
Making them Responsible?
Thought-Food -
Awakening Your Child's Natural Genius
Worth-It -
Awakening Your Child's
Natural Genius
Lovely Labels -
Genuine
Mail Bag -
Oops
Do-Strategy – Making them Responsible?
If you do not want to read the full newsletter -
here is the mantra in one line:
If you want your children to be more
responsible, let them be more responsible, give them more
responsibility.
But it isn't as simple as it sounds, looks and
feels.
One, many of us parents actually
derive our self worth from their dependency on us. One toddler always
insisted to have her mother accompany her to toilet. One day she
proudly announced "Mummy, I don't need you". Guess what, instead of
rejoicing, the mother deep down felt her role as the mother had
lessened.
So lets ask ourselves, are they dependent on
us, or are we dependent on them (to give meaning to, or bring
happiness, etc in our life)?
Two, is our own insecurity that
the child will suffer if I do not take responsibility of him or her.
If I do not feed him, he will not eat. (Can any human stay hungry?) If
I do not wake him for school, he will miss the school. (Maybe for a
day he may enjoy doing that, but will he like that forever?)
So let us ask, maybe there will be slight
upsets in the very short run, but isn't the lesson learned the road to
becoming independent?
Third, is our own lack of
confidence in their capability. Underestimation is the rule, risk
taking is no-no, and faith is the biggest victim. If we want children
with high confidence, we need to first show that confidence in them.
Can you give your two year a full dish to carry? Can you give your
eight year old purse to manage cash during shopping? Can you give your
thirteen year old computer without your spying?
So lets ask ourselves, even
if the dish drops, even if we lose money, even if he wanders on the
Internet, isn't the faith we build, the confidence we instill more
important? Is it worth it?
Finally, to some of us control
is the only way to fulfill our expectations. Since I want him to come
first, I will sit on his head till he studies. Since I want him to
behave, I will command and handle him so he behaves (and doesn't
embarrass me).
So lets ask ourselves, can we make acceptance
more important then expectations ? Can we make respect more important
then control?
Many of us feel that we do not
have much time with our children. The reason is that most of the time
we are transacting ability with them (doing things for them
that they should be doing themselves), instead of transacting
responsibility with them (giving them the responsibility). Its
funny, but we need to learn to delegate their work to them. And
then we would be free to contribute to their life in a more meaningful
way!
Here are some specific suggestions:
1. Let them set their own
Goals - be it studies, food, getting up, clothes et al. If the
goals are below your expectations, simply say, "I know you are capable
of much more than that." Keep stroking them positively and leave onto
them to raise the bar. Remember each one of us wants to excel.
2. Let them learn from
Consequences - if I do not get up myself, I do not go to school.
If I do not keep my things in place, I do not find them later.
3. Give them chance to
Succeed - ignore many failures, just to celebrate the successes.
Build self confidence through setting up, or specifically looking for
successful experiences. So after so many struggling days when he did
go to the school on time and without your help - honour, commend and
rejoice.
4. Use Affirmative
language with the child. You are working hard is a
thousand times more powerful then you need to work hard.
Later sounds like an instruction, command or advice. Former gives
recognition and inspiration.
5. While you lower your
expectations, also learn to relax - Your own tension
communicates lack of faith or confidence and transmits stress. This
often leads to their giving-up. See their struggles, trials,
endeavours as cute and big learning opportunities (for them). Endear,
encourage and extol them with the best grin on your face and best
wishes in your heart.
Do not transact ability; Transact
Responsibility.
By Ratnesh Mathur
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Thought-Food: "How Many Times"
How many times did you kiss me goodnight?
How many times did you tuck me in tight?
How many times did you carry me to bed?
How many bedtime stories have you read?
How many times did I wake you in fright?
How many times did I keep you up all night?
How many times did you watch me sleep?
How many times did you lie awake and weep?
How many times did you teach me to fly a kite?
How many times did I learn to ride a bike?
How many times did I beg for a pet?
How many times did you say, 'Not yet'?
How many times did we get in a fight?
How many times were you right?
How many times did I ask you why?
How many times did I make you cry?
How many times did you see a twinkle in my eye?
How many times did you lie?
How many times have you been proud?
How many times did I make you scream aloud?
How much money did I ask you for?
How many times did I ask for more?
How many times did you fix my hair?
How many times did you show you care?
How many times did you teach me to fish?
How many times did we make a wish?
How many times did we sing "Twinkle-twinkle-little-star"?
How many times did I learn to drive a car?
How many times does your little girl grow up?
By 'Janet J' (received through e-mail)
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Worth-It - Awakening Your Child's Natural Genius
Not only Thomas Armstrong
is an authority on application of Theory of Multiple Intelligence, but
his books clearly show how we can use each child's unique intelligence
in ensuring the best development. This book is the right resource for
all parents in understanding how they can Enhance Curiosity,
Creativity and learning Ability of their children in age group up to
twelve years.
Format easy to understand and immediately
applicable. (Published by G P Puntam's Sons. ISBN 0874776082
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Lovely Labels - Genuine
First as parents how often we play act -
All's Ok with us, all is OK with the world etc. In fact children are
all the time learning to play act from us. No wonder soon they forget
that in relationship geniuses matters. So not only we should become
genuine with them, but also lovely label them when they show this
naturalness.
Genuine
(for those wondering what 'lovely labels' are –
please refer newsletter 'Issue 6' at
http://www.geniekids.com/bp6.htm or ask for it to be e-mailed to
you).
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Genie Mail Bag – Oops
Some problem in our computer has led to emails
being lost. Hence, we are unable to carry mails from readers. If your
query has not been answered by us, request you to re-send it.
Requesting others to also send in their comments, contributions,
queries, appreciation and yes, criticism and feedback. Editorial Team}
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